So it would go, and then the idea of himself as Cass here would seem to go away altogether, and only the sense of being on the bridge would be left, and this sense would feel like a taut principle of being that could be invoked in any context, just like a music chord. But the chord was a hook to keep the thing in the mind, and once that chord had been heard and duly recorded for the benefit of the Thing that had been Cass, then it would be like releasing the thing out of the mind, like turning the volume down on a stereo, and then there would be no more of that thing, ever again. The world would be the new and improved world, and Cass Seltzer would be no more.
So he thought about it, and finally he decided to give up on the awareness of being Cass Seltzer and just let himself be Cass on the bridge, and be here with the river and the arches and the quickened water and the multitudes of others feeling pain and suffering and being wrenched from their homes and families, and feeling the pressures of the very real need to make a living and the conditions of wages and the vanishing jobs and the sickening joblessness and the boredom of it all and then the depression of losing hope and the fear of being thrown out and the unspeakable grief of being abandoned by their parents and the neighbors and how it felt to be a stranger in one's own home and the self-hatred of being a failure, and all the rest, and the pain and the darkness and the cold and the hunger and the despair and the hopelessness and the fear of death, and the sense of being so completely unprepared and totally helpless, and then the sense of being right here in the middle of it, and the sense of knowing that he is surrounded by the pain, and the sense of knowing that he is the only one who knows what it is like, and the sense of knowing that he is the only one who will remember, and the sense of knowing that he is the only one who will be able to help. And Cass knew he could help. He knew he could help. He knew he could help. He knew he could help. He knew he could help. He knew he could help. He knew he could help. He knew he could help.
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